Friendship: Interpersonal Relationship and Friendships

Fri terminations and intimacys in emergent matureness Carolyn Man hop onr Barry* Loyola University Maryland Stephanie D. Madsen McDaniel College Ill be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. l These lyrics began separately end of the popular situation comedy Friends. The trials and tribulations of these six 20- almostthing friends captivated the Ameri whoremaster public for a decade until Ross, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel eventu all(prenominal)y transiti mavend to due date at the utters closure.Perhaps the dooms popularity was collect to having some truth in the fiction (a) friends shadow be a proxy family for young battalion, spreeing invaluable advice, wear, and musicianship (b) friends end be of the alike or opposite hinge upon, but these two types of slamledge work some differentwise (c) friends may engage in casual sex, but may in any case become knotty senti manpowertalistally (d) associations argon central to the lives of appear b ig(p)s, particularly those who ar single and non in a serious sentimentalist relationship and (e) friends help people to figure themselves extinct and entrance their behavior, potentially for some(prenominal) effectual and bad.As is the case with all TV shows, there is as well pure fiction in this sitcom these six friends lived in the kindred apartments in the uniform(p) city ND often generation held down the same Job for everyplace a decade. Instead, instability is more than(prenominal) the norm among pretend uphill adults. Also, most American young people get unify and become p arnts in their new ass alternatively than the ass (as the sitcom depicted). So eyepatch close familiaritys be critical to acclivitous adults happiness, search for their identities, and true loves, friends become little burning(prenominal) once theyve figured out the big questions of life and settle down in marriage, p atomic number 18nthood, and life bilgewaters.Still, for eme rgent adults, friends can fill the growing gap between the clipping when they leave he families they grew * Carolyn Manager Barry is an associate professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland. Stephanie Madsen is an associate professor of psychology at McDaniel College. 2 Changing Spirituality of appear Adults up in and when they establish families of their own. Can Men and Women Be Friends? With persons of the same or opposite sex. Children need same-sex friendships in order to develop into favorablely skilled, moral, and sympathetic adults.From the jejuneager years on, it is common to make friends with both sexes, and these friendships can be f good woodland, as determinen in Rachel and Joeys friendship?they regularly dual-lane puzzles, offered concur, and simply enjoyed each others company. Still, people most prefer same-sex friendships throughout their lives, and it is less common for men and women to be friends beyond college or after one friend marries. Fri endships between men and women differ in some ship counseling from those between people of the same sex. Mens friendships with women are more wound uply intimate than their friendships with men.And hetero versed men often seek friendships with women to whom they are sexually attracted. Not surprisingly then, approximately Alfa of opposite-sex friends in college report that they have engaged in sexual behavior, which has the potential to hurt the relationship. However, numerous college students believe that sex enhances a friendships quality and helps them to consider whether they exigency to remain Just friends or move on to something more. What Are Friendships Like? There appears to be some truth to the old adage hoots of a feather flock together. surely we saw this portrayed in the six characters on Friends. All dual-lane the same ethnicity (European American), enjoyed the same activities (sipping coffee at Central gather up), and had analogous levels of well-disposed skills (though Joey seemed more adept at getting dates than Ross or Chandler). Such similarities offer a common ground that strengthens friendships and helps them to endure. Womens friendships are often communal? oblation companionship, association, ablaze security, and chance onion. Friends Rachel and Monica acquited each other with late-night chats.Mens friendships accentuate competition and are more gigantic? providing help, a reliable alliance, and self-validation. Friends Joey and Chandler 3 competed in videotapes from co-ordinated recliners. Still, men and women value friendships with all of these features (perhaps placing greater importance on the communal). From the teen years on, intimacy becomes the hallmark of friendships and is related to how close we feel toward our friends. Emerging adults friendships are even more ablazely intimate than their friendships of Just a few years earlier. Relationship quality depends not only on what you give friends, but in any case what you get.In caterition to the healthy dimensions we described above, friendships can in addition have ostracize aspects, such as shop at conflict, power inequities, and antagonism. Womens friendships, in particular, can fall prey to co-rumination, where women obsess over problems in their lives in conversations with friends quite of taking fruitful action. In one episode of Friends, Chandler sought hold up from the girls following a break-up they urged him to talk well-nigh his feelings (adding, if you want to lead to depression. Thankfully, positive friendship qualities can help buffer negative ones.Friends foc practice sessiond on one particular cultural and ethnic crowd. Likewise, ongoing research on rising-adult friendships largely ignores cultural influences on friendships, though important differences exist. For example, different ethnic groups seek different friendship qualities. Asian Americans emphasize an amicable exchange of ideas, African Americans seek ac ceptance and respect, Latino Americans highlight the importance of relational support, and European Americans focus on bear oning undivided needs of each friend. How Do Friendships Change across Emerging Adulthood?Given the many transitions that emerge adults face, it is not surprising that their friendships change as well. Transformations in friendships and friendship entanglements relate to life spot rather than age. So knowing that a person is 20 versus 26 does not ell us much close their friendships. Instead, knowing whether they are sentimentalistally regard or have children is much more informative than age alone. Friends are frequent companions, getting together at least once a hebdomad for no specific purpose (for example, gathering at Central Perk Just to talk) and less frequently 4 for events such as movies, parties, and concerts.Friends hap less time to get together as they progress toward adulthood. condescension these overall changes in approaches to friendshi p interlockings, emerging adults keep their individual patterns of interacting with friends. So a very social or very shy teen result adopt the same approach to friendship networks as an emerging adult. The small friendship network on Friends remained stable over 10 years?not at all typical of most emerging adults networks. Instead, emerging adults become increasingly flexible in whom they include in friendship networks and how they maintain these networks.They grow more accepting of opposite-sex friendships, even retentivity former boyfriends or girlfriends on as friends. European American emerging adults friendship networks become more various(a) ( in particular if they are exposed to more various(a) social networks through allege or work), but the networks of African American, Latino American, and Asian American emerging adults become less diverse (especially if they invest in activities and groups linked to their ethnicity). Relative to the rest of the lifespan, friendship networks are the largest during early emerging adulthood and get smaller later on in emerging adulthood.Although women have more close friends than do men on average, mens and womens friendship networks are of equal size. Still, the friendship network on Friends did illustrate the density that is typical of emerging adults friends. It is common for many network members to share common links (working at the same place, breathing in the same building) or even to be friends with each other. commonwealth tend to form relationships with others in their same social situation. True to life, the characters in Friends shared roughly the same place in life when their group formed.They were single, had no or few childcare responsibilities, and were still searching for meaningful careers. More on the side of fiction, the friendship network of these television friends did not change in response to their own life changes, as is happily. Friends seldom featured the workplace, but many emerging a dults find friends there as they explore career pathways and settle into adult work roles. go stage influences the lives of single emerging-adult men, especially.These men often have large 5 friendship networks preparer, but have few friends who provide emotional or subservient support the time constraints inherent in beginning a career bring friendship networks down to a more manageable size. Career transitions dont seem to alter single womens friendship networks in the same way?women maintain ironsides networks during their careers that are similar in size to those they had while in their late teens and early ass. The characters on Friends had many amorous entailments, and whether emerging adults are single, dating, or married affects friendship networks.Single and dating people are potently attached to friends, naming friends as their top companions and confidants. In contrast, sentimentalistally involved emerging adults change the time they decease with friends. Early in t heir relationships, emerging-adult couples spend more time with friends to introduce them to their tender romanticist interest. merely as the relationship gets serious, the couple withdraws from the circle of friends. This was shown in the final succession of Friends. By then Monica and Chandler had hooked up, fallen in love, and gotten married.When the group of friends gathered to go on Earaches daughters initial behaveday, Monica and Chandler instead opted to sneak away for a romantic pass alone. Typically, withdrawal is selective, with couples using up less time with peripheral friends and more time with friends who support their relationship. A few Friends characters became parents, an event that typically happens at the end of?or even after?emerging adulthood. Although their tight friendship network remained stable, parenthood normally reorganizes friendship networks.New parents report fewer friends following the birth of a child, and fathers, especially, report less sa tisfying and positive friendships than they experienced beforehand. Family members more often than not do not try (and in truth feel that they should not try) to influence who emerging adults friends are or what they do with these friends. And friendships dont often influence family relationships. Instead, some emerging adults view their friends as universe family. Sexual-minority emerging adults whose families rule out them sometimes adopt a family of choice from a network of appurtenant friends.Other emerging adults do this too, as shown when Friends characters spent Thanksgiving together instead of Joining their families. Likewise, it is common to hear emerging 6 emerging adults sometimes consider family members (especially siblings or cousins) to be friends. For example, Ross and Monica were siblings who offered each other companionship and emotional intimacy. Finding close ties among family members provides a ready source of support, but being more involved with peers help s merging adults go some transitions mitigate (for example, moving away from home).Friends and friendship networks also influence romantic relationships. For example, emerging adults often find new romantic allys within their existing friendship networks. This meaner that the regeneration found within an emerging adults friendship network influences the likelihood that he or she will date someone of a different race. Friends strike up loudly when too much time is spent with a romantic partner (but they are belike to support the romantic relationship if they know the boyfriend or girlfriend well).Friends support (or lack of support) for a romantic relationship affects the couples level of commitment to the relationship. Perhaps knowing this, emerging adults are sometimes selective about the friends to whom they introduce a new romantic partner. Friends can influence break-ups, but they do so infrequently. Couples dont stay together for the sake of their friends, even though t here can be a high cost to breaking up with a romantic partner when they share the same friends. For example, throughout the series, Ross and Rachel had an on-again, off-again relationship.Each time they broke up, it disrupted their friendship network. Why Do Friendships Matter to Emerging Adults? From toddlers to old age, we have friends. But why are they so important in the lives of emerging adults? First, friends support emerging adults identity development. Friendships provide feelings of worth as well as opportunities for story telling and frank discussions about religion, life aspirations, moral dilemmas, and relationships. Certainly, friends rag at Central Perk not only rehashed the weeks events, but also tried to make sense of the world around them.The intimacy unsound wrought these heartfelt discussions not only helps with finding oneself, but also nurtures close friendships. Second, friendships contribute to how emerging adults feel about themselves feeling good (or bad) about your friendships coincides with feeling good (or bad) about 7 yourself. Emerging adults who rarely spend time with their friends are lone(prenominal). But spending time with friends who bear out their feelings brings happiness (perhaps this explains why Joey was perpetually quick-witted, despite not having much victory as a which are useful during the many?and at times anxiety-inducing?transitions that merging adults face.Third, friendships support emerging adults understandings of how relationships work, and, in fact, many discussions center on these ties. Friendships provide occasions to see things from someone elses point of view. This, in turn, helps emerging adults to think through issues more critically and carefully. Fourth, friendships offer companionship?both in person and from afar?during what can be a lonely time. Over the past decade, emerging adults have increasingly relied upon cell telecommunicates, interrogatory, ostentation messaging, and social netwo rking sites like Faceable to communicate with friends.Online friendships can be good ones, especially when they last dogged enough to develop into emotionally close and supportive relationships that supplement existing friendships. On the other hand, having 800 online friends is not equivalent to having friends you see regularly. In the coming years, maybe well know what benefits online-only friendships serve and when it is that technologies improve?rather than undermine?friendships. For now it is safe to say that most emerging adults use technology to enhance existing friendships rather than to replace them.Lastly, friendships involve intimacy and interdependence, and the development of these skills supports ongoing and future romantic relationships. Same-sex friends regularly discuss their romantic relationships?especially problems. Given that men find the most intimacy in their friendships with women, these friendships probably help them to develop emotional intimacy skills they ll need for other close relationships. Can Birds of a Feather Shape a spate? Emerging adults report that friends affect their major life decisions.In fact, friends behaviors affect emerging adults positive outcomes, including church attendance. Friends behaviors also influence more negative outcomes (e. . , those with battleful 8 friends are more likely to abuse their romantic partners). in addition friends behavior, the quality of the friendship matters, with better friendships promoting positive adjustment and reducing problem behaviors. We dont yet know whether these effect are due to choosing a bird with similar feathers or birds shaping each others behavior? likely it is a bit of both. What Does Friends Teach Us about Friends?Friends went off the air in 2005, but through DVD releases and syndication it continues to illustrate core concepts about emerging-adult friendships today. This show offers key implications for practitioners working with actual 20-something friends. 1 . Friendships are important in emerging adulthood, but their importance changes as romantic relationships become more salient and stable. Amid emerging- adults numerous transitions, practitioners should ask troubled young people about and (mostly) platonic opposite-sex friendships, in reality these are less common than same-sex ones.As seen in Ross and Earaches relationship, the line between a friend and a romantic/sexual partner is often fuzzy, creating feelings of anticipation and disappointment. Practitioners should be careful not to usurp that opposite-sex friendships among straightaways are platonic or romantic. 3. Practitioners should strive to create environments that support friendships with diverse peoples. For many young people, moving out on their own provides their first exposure to individuals with substantially different backgrounds and ideas from their own. Interactions with these individuals can support growing maturity. . Friends are influential for better and for worse. Helping emerging adults form friendships with people who show positive behaviors (e. G. Ammonias career success) will, in turn, promote successful development. Likewise, emerging adults whose friends are making poor life decisions may find it helpful to remoteness themselves from these friends and align themselves with other friends who are making better decisions. 9 5. Friendships are particularly important for marginalia peoples (ethnic or sexual minorities), and efforts to form friendships with allies and similar others will serve these young people well.For some, friendship and family networks overlap. Friends may be close enough to be considered family likewise, some emerging adults insider family members to fulfill friendship needs as well, as Monica and Ross clearly did. 6. Although Friends characters were limited to cell phone use, modern- day emerging adults are as. N. Y with technologies such as testing and social networking sites to support existing friendships r ather than supplant them. This appears to be a positive dimension of friendships that makes sense condition that they are always on the move.But practitioners should encourage face-to-face interactions, particularly for very personal and life-transforming discussions?not all of lifes battles can be won or lost via Faceable. . Emerging adults weather transitions best when they maintain existing friendships but are open to forming new friendships. For example, upon moving to the city, Rachel rekindled her old friendship with Monica but established new friendships with the other four. This may be challenging for some emerging adults who prefer to burn close to family, but making friends in new settings benefits them in the long run.Throughout our whole lives?but especially in emerging adulthood, it seems?we need friends who will be there for Notes The Rembrandt (1995), Ill Be There for You, Atlantic Records. Episode 14 The One with the Cake, harden 10, episode 4 The One with All the Thanksgivings, season 5, episode 8 The Pilot (The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate), season 1, episode 1 . 10 Annotated Bibliography Fall, W. A. , and Faulkner, S. L. (2000). On being Just friends The frequence and impact of sexual activity in cross-sex friendships. journal of Social and person-to-person Relationships, 17, 205-222.Can women and men be Just friends? These authors sampled American university students and found that some emerging adults can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. However, approximately half of heterosexual college students have had sex with opposite-sex friends. Among those who added benefits to their friendships, some did so frequently and others only both few years. The overwhelming majority of these friends were single when sexual encounters occurred, but a third of these friendships included at least one romantically involved friend.Having sex with a friend was relationship-enhancing in some cases and quite electronegative in others. A llan, G. (2008). Flexibility, friendship, and family. in the flesh(predicate) Relationships, 15, 1-16. In a comprehensive and current overview of reindeers (including friendships in emerging adulthood), this author highlights instances where friendship and family overlap, support each other, and are in conflict with each other. A sociologist, Dry. Allan especially focuses on societal changes over the past 40 years that have allowed people to enjoy greater freedom and flexibility in forming their own personal relationships.He reflects on suffusion in relationships (the merging family and friend relationships) but emphasizes that people have translucent understanding of these two types of relationships. Bagel, C. L. , Bender, S. E. Andresens, C. L. , Kinshasa, T. L. , Monticello, S. A. , and Mueller, J. G. (2005). Friendship quality and perceived relationship changes shout out psychosocial adjustment in early adulthood. journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22, 235- 254. 1 1 It seems that although friends agree about the quality of their relationship, each person has a middling different view of the relationship.When friends disagreed about their relationship, they felt less satisfied about the friendship and were more hostile. So while having friendships with positive dimensions is important, noting the extent f negative dimensions in the relationship matters as well, particularly as it can systema skeletale an individuals well-being. Barry, C. M. , Madsen, S. D. , Nelson, L. J. , Carroll,J. S. , adulthood Differential associations with identity development and achieved adulthood criteria. Journal of Adult Development, 16, 209-222. How do friendships change as emerging adults move toward adulthood?In a study of over 700 emerging adults, these authors found that people who were more adulteries actually had poorer quality friendships than did those who had not yet made adult commitments. In contrast, adulteries emerging adults had better romantic rel ationships. It seems that some of the steps toward adequate an adult (settling into a career, avoiding risky behavior, etc. ) might happen because of romantic partners more than because of friends. Boost, K. K. , Cox, M. J. , Brunching, M. R. , and Payne, C. (2002).Structural and supportive changes in couples family and friendship networks across the transition to parenthood. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64, 517-531. Having a baby changes everything?including friendship networks. These authors followed 137 couples from he time they were expecting to their childrens consequence birthdays. Close friendships were especially important to new mothers over this time period, while their husbands friendship networks declined and became less satisfying. For all parents, having close friendships protected against feelings of depression during this transition.Crabber, J. , and Burgomaster, D. (1998). Friendship and need fulfillment during leash phases of young adulthood. Journal of Socia l and Personal Relationships, 15, 393-409. 12 Changing Spirituality of Emerging Adults These scholars examined how friendship lays out in different phases of emerging adulthood defined by family roles rather than by age the single phase, the meritorious-children phase, and the parenthood phase. Emerging adults rely on friends to meet social needs the most during the single phase, slowing down their self-assertion as they move to the married and parenthood phases.Women call on friends for emotional support more than men do across all three phases. Deck, E. L. , Laggardly, J. G. , Miller, A. C. , schemer, M. J. , and Ryan, R. M. (2006). On the benefits of giving as well as receiving autonomy support Mutuality in close friendships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32, 313-327. Is it better to give than to receive support? The originators of Self-Determination Theory (Decide and Ryan, 2000) showed that receiving support from part figures makes a big difference in peoples m otivation and satisfaction.This study extends their findings to friendships, where each partner is equal in terms of their authority. Indeed, people benefit by giving and receiving autonomy support to/from their friends, but it is the giving of such support to a close friend that matters more to a persons well-being. Admire, M. , Oxidize, M. , and Whitecap, L. A. (2007). Looking to happy tomorrows with friends Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 8, 243-271. man friendship and happiness seem like a natural fit, the story is more complicated.Do all friends make people happy? The scholars find that spending time with a best friend makes people happy, especially when they also spend time with a persons happiness. Fe male, D. H. (2001). No couple is an island A social network perspective on dyadic stability. Social Forces, 79, 1259-1287. How do friends affect emerging adults romantic relationships? Interestingly, this study finds that thin king hat friends support a romantic relationship matters more 13 than how much they actually support it.These perceptions of support from friends lead to more stable relationships, but at the same time, having a really close best friendship makes it less likely that a romantic relationship will endure (perhaps because the friendship competes with the romantic partnership for ones time). It seems that friendships can have both positive and negative effects on emerging adults romantic relationships. Grief, G. L. (2009). Buddy system Understanding male friendships. New York Oxford University Press. Considerable emphasis has been given to womens friendships with their hallmark high levels of emotional intimacy.The author levels the playing field in this book by summarizing extensive interviews with 400 men to describe what makes their friendships tick, affirming the importance of friendships for the well-being of men and communities. excess interviews with women allow for appropriate c ontrast between the two genders. The author presents a typology of different kinds of male friendships must (friends with whom it is critical to share important news), trust (highly liked friends, but not as useful as a must reined), Just (acquaintances who are companions), and rust friends (long-time friends).Lastly, characteristics of male friendships from early to late adulthood are described and interwoven with meaningful life events that shape these close relationships. Hearth, W. W. , and Stevens, N. (1997). Friendships and adaptation in the life course. Psychological Bulletin, 121, 355-370. These scholars show that friendships add considerable value throughout the lifespan. Peoples expectations and descriptions of their friends change throughout life, which makes sense given that peoples thinking becomes more sophisticated. Regardless of these changes, people of all ages agree that friendships should involve both give and take.How friends engage with one another does change w ith age and situation. While having friends generally is a good thing for people, it depends upon the identity of friends and the quality of these relationships. 14 Letterer, A. M. , Griffin, E. M. , and Sparks, G. G. (2007). Forecasting friends forever A longitudinal investigation of bear on closeness between best friends. Personal Relationships, 14, 343-350. Following a age group of university students from 1983 until 2002, these scholars examine which college friendship characteristics matter in